Mission: Snuggie
by ScarlettAvery
Summary: The Dark Lord sends Lucius Malfoy on a dangerous mission to find a special something before midnight. Will Lucius make it past the escalators and elevators? Will he discover Victoria's Secret?


_**Disclaimer:**__Everything Belongs To JK Rowling, Warner Brothers Ect._

_**A/N: **_I apologize if this fic isn't very good. School has been crazy lately. WESTEST is coming up and the teachers are packing on the work. I was hardly awake while writing htis, but here it is. Positive or negative(though preferrably positive), reviews are still appreciated.__

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><p>"Luciusss," the Dark Lord hissed. "I have a very sspecial mission for you."<p>

Lucius was taken by surprise. One very rarely, if ever, received personal missions, especially one such as he who had fallen from his Lords good favor. This was his chance to get back! His chance to prove his loyalty!

Lucius recovered quickly and bowed. "Yes, My Lord. I live only to serve you."

"Good." Lord Voldemort rose, "This is what I need you to do..."

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><p>Voldemort had walked through the gardens with Lucius, explaining what he needed to do. He also explained why he had chosen Lucius for the job.<p>

"It'ss simple, really, and you are sstill one of my mosst trusted. Not even the bubbling buffoon of a brat you call son could mess this up."

Contrary to popular belief, Lucius loved his son a great deal. Rage grew inside him as he listened to the Dark Lord talk about his son.

Voldemort stopped suddenly. "What iss the problem, Luciuss? Have upsset you?"

Lucius quickly realized his mistake and quickly bowed to amend it. "Apologies, My Lord."

One does not show emotion of any sort in front of the Dark Lord. Unless your Bellatrix, and even then it''s limited to pleasure and pain.

Lord Voldemort tried to raise an eyebrow, but, seeing as how he had none, it looked a little odd. "Very well. Let uss continue. You sshall leave tonight. I need the object of your misssion by midnight. "

"Yes Sir," Lucius replied while making a list in his mind.

_The few things about the Dark Lord that got on his nerves:  
>*He could be as vague as Dumbledore.<br>*For all the good his evil doings bring him, he may as well be called The Dark Lord, Chuckles the Silly Piggy.  
>*The way his '<em>_s'__ sounded like a snake._

"Good. Go."

Lucius took out a scrap of paper that the Dark Lord gave him and disapparated to the address.

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><p>Lucius apparated in front of a large brick building. A look of disgust and revulsion formed on his face as he realized he was in muggle London. Surrounded by muggles.<p>

He didn't know what to do. He knew he had to find the thing the Dark Lord wanted. If he didn't, he may as well be dead. One does not disappoint the Dark Lord.

Muggles were flowing in an out of the doors of the brick building. Lucius discreetly cast a bubble charm around himself. It wouldn't do at all to be touched by one of those things. He would have to scrub for weeks to get the filth off.

He only had three hours left. He took a deep breath and strode forward, being sure to stare down anyone who dared look at him.

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><p>His bubble charm was virtually ineffective. There were so many people! They, quite literally, popped his bubble. After fussing with it and giving up, he now had two and a half hours.<p>

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><p>He was confused. There were two floors and more rooms than even the Manor had. How was he supposed to know which one to go into?<p>

Lucius reviewed his conversation with the Dark Lord.

"..the room labeled Bed, Bath, & Beyond.."

He looked up and saw it, the sign that answered all his questions.

Where was he? Something called a Mall.

Where was the room he needed? Up something called an escalator and right next to Victoria's Secret room. _Well, it's obviously not a secret now that it is on a sign is it Victoria? Stupid muggles._

There was a little arrow pointing to the left. That's the direction Lucius decided to go.

He only had two hours left now.

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><p>Wait until everybody heard about this! Muggles had moving stairs, too! Theirs didn't stop though. It was like a never ending cycle.<p>

Even though Lucius had been on moving stairs before, they had been magical. Not muggle.

He stood to the side and watched as people went up them. After a few more muggles went by, he decided to try his luck.

He stepped up to the moving black stair case, placed one hand on each rail and his right foot on the stairs, leaving his left foot on the unmoving ground. He left it there until the lost possible second so he was stretched over the steps.

About halfway up, he decided the _escataper _was safe and realized how ridiculous he must look. He stood straight immediately. Malfoy's never looked ridiculous, and most certainly never in public.

He had a hour and a half until he had to be back.

There it was! Lucius could see it now! The sign read Bed, Bath, & Beyond in giant white letters against a black background.

As he got closer, he saw Victoria's Secret. To say he was shocked would be an understatement. He couldn't resist. It was like the room was calling to him.

He walked around and the same thought kept hitting him. _Cissy never had anything like this. I wonder if she would like it.._ He wondered around a bit before remembering his mission.

It was already 11:15!

He vowed to himself that he would get Cissy out here to look at some of these things.

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><p>Lucius approached the girl behind the counter. She looked remarkably similar to the Granger girl, bushy hair and all.<p>

He sneered and repeated what Lord Voldemort had told him to say. "I am here to retrieve parcel number six hundred sixty-six."

He smirked as she looked up and visibly tensed. He watched her look him up and down then blush as she realized she had been caught. Oh yes, the man may have been in his forties, but Merlin's beard was he as handsome as ever.

"One m-moment, S-sir," she stuttered and went through a door behind her. Thirty minutes later, she reappeared in front of him.

"A-are you T-tom R-riddle?" she asked.

"Yes'" he lied smoothly. Years of practice had made him the perfect liar.

"H-here you a-are, S-sir. Sorry about the w-wait."

He inclined his head once and left the room.

_Now the real question,_ he thought while placing the parcel in his cloak_, is how to get back downstairs in fifteen minutes._

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><p>He had found a way, but he wasn't sure that he liked the idea all that much. The <em>escapaters <em>weren't that bad, but the elevator could be a whole different story.

The buttons lit up and the doors opened. He waited a moment before climbing on. He had waited too long though, for as he stepped past the opening, the doors closed on his hair. Lucius turned quickly. _No! No, no, no, no, no! Not the hair! Anything but the hair! _He pulled on it lightly, but it wouldn't budge.

There weren't any muggles around so he quickly drew his wand and forced the door open. His hair fell free and he quickly left the mini death-room called an elevator. _Where do muggles come up with these things!_

He walked around few moments before finding a set of normal stairs. He quickly walked down them and went out the doors. _Five minutes left. Focus, you can do this!_

He disapparated to the Manor, praying to anything that would listen and hoping to get back before midnight.

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><p>Voldemort nearly jumped when a loud crack split the air. "Luciuss? You better have that package and be in here within the next two minutess!" he yelled.<p>

Lucius walked through the halls and stopped in the door way. "Your parcel, My Lord."

Voldemort snatched it out of his hands and quickly tore the paper off. Lucius watched as a look of joy and triumph colored his masters face.

"Finally! I have been waiting for thiss forever!" Voldemort opened the box and shook out the object inside.

The Dark Lord was smiling by now. He seated himself on the couch and conjured a television.

"Jusst in time for my program, too," he murmured as he shook out the thing from the box.

Voldemort slid into a neon pink Snuggie covered in little yellow rubber ducks as _Golden Girls_ appeared on the television as Lucius stood looking on in a mix of anger, and shock, and suspicion.

He quickly checked the room and the hallway. _Well, _he thought, _at least Severus isn't here to vomit on me, again._

At that moment, Draco walked up to his father to see what he was staring at. Lord Voldemort! Pink and rubber ducks? _Golden Girls?_

It was too much for poor Draco. Before Lucius could stop him, Draco bent at the waist and emptied his stomach onto his father's shoes.


End file.
